Guilt.

From time to time, I think about the past, the idiotic things that I have done that caused grief and pain. Drugs. Must I say more? I realize, how selfish and inconsiderate I was. I just can't forgive myself. Even though it was the past, it pops up from time to time. The accident that happened to my brother, right before my eyes, and the problem was because of me. Everytime I'm with him, there's always a problem that arises, I don't know why. I feel like I'm indebted to him, I love him so much, even though we fight so many times! He is the greatest brother a girl can have. Sigh, I wish I was different before, wasn't so ignorant, it was so ridiculous. I am ashamed of the person I once was. I feel like it's all my fault and I wish I can take it all back. The guilt is forever with me. I think this is why I changed so much, matured a lot, gave up on the fun. I feel like a totally different person, someone who doesn't enjoy partying and such. But I suppose, I like it this way, this is the life I'm meant to live.