Sigh, I don't know what it is. I guess it's just everything that has piled up on me. I've been so stressed and frustrated, seems like no one is giving me a break! My heart feels heavy, it feels like it's carrying a lot of burden. I feel like I'm giving up and I don't know why. I've been have thoughts lately of why am I still living when we're just living to die. I feel like I can't accomplish anything, yesterday on the way to school, I start tearing up because I couldn't handle it anymore. But the reason..I, myself do not even know.
Maybe, since it's coming to an end, I have so much projects, papers, presentations, and midterm then finals that it's creeping up on me. Plus, I have idiotic people in my groups, stubborn. I know I'm stubborn but at least I'm right and on the right track but they just lead my team off because they believe they're right but all they're doing is wasting time and make the simplest thing into the most complicated thing. Sigh.
And I didn't mention, I got caught smoking by my older sister. Yes, older sister, and she went and told my mom. But guess what? That ain't even the stupidest part. My mom knew I smoked, she caught me many times and this time she just pretty much laughed it off and told me just don't ruin yourself. The stupid part is that my sister is the one angry, yes. I'm fucking old enough and she said she's not going to interfere with our lives so why is she trying to cause drama because of what I'm doing? Why doesn't she give a shit about what my little sister but butt in in my life! It's bullshit. I find it very ridiculous. I hate dramaqueens. It's like, please, get a fucking LIFE.
Man, I'm suppose to study for a quiz and write an essay but the way I feel..I don't know if I'm able to. I feel so weak, I feel useless. I want to run away and hide. I need help but I have no one to reach out for or that I don't want to reach out to anyone. My specialty, pushing them away.
Sigh, I need a stog. Haven't had one for a while and it's killing me, especially with all the shit going on. Sigh..
I miss the days when I woke up smiling for no apparent reason. Because I had everything I've ever wanted. When I was ignorant and believed that I was in a fairytale. <3
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
ughh
i'm feeling emo. sigh. feeling annoyed. disgusted. irritated.
how come he doesn't get the hint, it's too harsh to tell him but i thought he would understand my actions. sigh. what a nuisance. i need my fucking space!!
i love the single life. this is why i don't like to meet new guys anymore. they're so fucking desperate. and the one you want, you totally fuck it over. -_-"
i just want to sleep. forever.
i just had the best dream ever. <3 it was with the most handsomest guy ever. fuck. i fucked up with him. we were so happy in my dream. now i miss him. i miss how we were when we first met. but now it's all just a memory. a memory from long ago.
how come he doesn't get the hint, it's too harsh to tell him but i thought he would understand my actions. sigh. what a nuisance. i need my fucking space!!
i love the single life. this is why i don't like to meet new guys anymore. they're so fucking desperate. and the one you want, you totally fuck it over. -_-"
i just want to sleep. forever.
i just had the best dream ever. <3 it was with the most handsomest guy ever. fuck. i fucked up with him. we were so happy in my dream. now i miss him. i miss how we were when we first met. but now it's all just a memory. a memory from long ago.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Crazy
I think life is turning around for us, we're all so happy! Sure there's always things that will bring us down but all we gota do is think about what's in our life and be thankful for it.
I guess you can say, I was about to drop it but then I guess I enjoy his company. It's like he tries or really is interested in me. So embarrassing when I was with Tina and he kept bothering us. But I'm glad that he can't wait at least an hour to talk to me. I think it's cute. It's like I'm so use to talking to him, seems like if we don't sleep, we'll be talking 24/7. Crazy, I know but it's like it'll feel so weird not talking to him for a minute. Weird, I know, it's only been 2 days, LOL and what's cuter is that he put the date that we MET in his info. I guess we'll go as friends for now and see how it will end up. But this is the weirdest relationship that I've ever been in, I'm so blunt with him and he seems to understand and respects that! He told me when he met me, he knew I was independent that was why he was attracted to me. This is like the first guy I ever talked to (under the influence) and did not kiss. I was tempted to but I rather have his respect so he ended with a hug.
Life is going very well, maybe that's why that song Spring Love was so popular. hahahaha <3 I wish everyone happiness.
I guess you can say, I was about to drop it but then I guess I enjoy his company. It's like he tries or really is interested in me. So embarrassing when I was with Tina and he kept bothering us. But I'm glad that he can't wait at least an hour to talk to me. I think it's cute. It's like I'm so use to talking to him, seems like if we don't sleep, we'll be talking 24/7. Crazy, I know but it's like it'll feel so weird not talking to him for a minute. Weird, I know, it's only been 2 days, LOL and what's cuter is that he put the date that we MET in his info. I guess we'll go as friends for now and see how it will end up. But this is the weirdest relationship that I've ever been in, I'm so blunt with him and he seems to understand and respects that! He told me when he met me, he knew I was independent that was why he was attracted to me. This is like the first guy I ever talked to (under the influence) and did not kiss. I was tempted to but I rather have his respect so he ended with a hug.
Life is going very well, maybe that's why that song Spring Love was so popular. hahahaha <3 I wish everyone happiness.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
=]
So..I'm glad my friends are happy. Having companionship, how wonderful! I admit, I'm not ready to settle down but seeing people around me so happy with another makes me kind of miss it. I guess you can say I gave chances but ugh, I shouldn't! Now I got this unwanted guy on my jock, I thought he understood the hints I gave him but all his mushy talk is so disgusting! I usually like it when they say sweet things but when he said it, it was like ewwww! Kill me. But it's ok, the only problem is I just recently met a very interesting person, I enjoy his company and I think it'll work out. So how can I get rid of the first guy? Ugh, oh well. Maybe I just get excited and happy with a new guy but in a few days I will get tired of them, sigh. WHY ME!!! I hope it's not going to be like this with this fella. We have so much in common, might work out after all or maybe I'm just confused. I don't know, I like talking to him at night and when he texts me in the morning. I think it's cute, his laugh and personality is also cute. Seems like he gives me a lot of attention, makes it even more attractive. hahaha
Monday, March 16, 2009
G'z
This is what I posted in MySpace since she tries to drag out this conversation:
I HATE THOSE WHO FUCKING STEAL. How many times do I have to fucking tell you, how many times do I have to fucking remind you, how many times do I fucking have to yell at you? Do you really don't understand or think that you will always get away with your fucking dumb actions? Do I have to make it fucking public? You say I don't have money? Obviously, you're the fucking one who don't if you take my shit. I really don't know what goes through your mind to always, ALWAYS steal my stuff! It's fucking annoying. GROW UP. Maybe if you stop spending money on OTHERS, you will have money for yourself. Buy something, actually buy many things for yourself. But please, hopefully this will be the last time that I have to remind you, LEAVE MY FUCKING STUFF ALONE! It's sad I have to resolve to this because YOU DON'T WANT TO FUCKING LISTEN TO THE FUCKING TRUTH.
But then, while I showered..I remember I said I'll change, I won't be mad or angry or mean. So then I decided to take it off, but man, I'm so annoyed, so irritated cause I know this won't ever change. You can never change a person and what I learn from time is that she's a liar, a thief, and a fake. Why must she be so different from me, she is so untrustworthy, when I thought I can trust her, she does something to remind me that she can NEVER be trusted. I guess she'll never grow up, it's sad to know I have a sister like this. Everyone in my family has truly given up on her, she cannot be tamed. She's this beast who thinks she's all that, has the looks, the attitude, the everything but she's blinded by her own mind.
It's sad, she knows taht gifts are valuable to me and that it can never be exchanged for anything. She knows but she doesn't care about my feelings. I still have a box that one of my old friend gave me since 3rd grade, she wrote bestfriends. Gifts has always mean a lot to me, I don't know why but it's something I take seriously. To top it off, I'm always reminding her that she ruin so many clothes of mind and she's not allowed to borrow but she still goes and defy me. It's like she doesn't have a brain and really DOES not care about the consequences of her really ridiculous DUMB actions. I really don't know what to do with her, if i forgive her, she does it again, if I don't she still probably will do it again. Sigh.
I HATE THOSE WHO FUCKING STEAL. How many times do I have to fucking tell you, how many times do I have to fucking remind you, how many times do I fucking have to yell at you? Do you really don't understand or think that you will always get away with your fucking dumb actions? Do I have to make it fucking public? You say I don't have money? Obviously, you're the fucking one who don't if you take my shit. I really don't know what goes through your mind to always, ALWAYS steal my stuff! It's fucking annoying. GROW UP. Maybe if you stop spending money on OTHERS, you will have money for yourself. Buy something, actually buy many things for yourself. But please, hopefully this will be the last time that I have to remind you, LEAVE MY FUCKING STUFF ALONE! It's sad I have to resolve to this because YOU DON'T WANT TO FUCKING LISTEN TO THE FUCKING TRUTH.
But then, while I showered..I remember I said I'll change, I won't be mad or angry or mean. So then I decided to take it off, but man, I'm so annoyed, so irritated cause I know this won't ever change. You can never change a person and what I learn from time is that she's a liar, a thief, and a fake. Why must she be so different from me, she is so untrustworthy, when I thought I can trust her, she does something to remind me that she can NEVER be trusted. I guess she'll never grow up, it's sad to know I have a sister like this. Everyone in my family has truly given up on her, she cannot be tamed. She's this beast who thinks she's all that, has the looks, the attitude, the everything but she's blinded by her own mind.
It's sad, she knows taht gifts are valuable to me and that it can never be exchanged for anything. She knows but she doesn't care about my feelings. I still have a box that one of my old friend gave me since 3rd grade, she wrote bestfriends. Gifts has always mean a lot to me, I don't know why but it's something I take seriously. To top it off, I'm always reminding her that she ruin so many clothes of mind and she's not allowed to borrow but she still goes and defy me. It's like she doesn't have a brain and really DOES not care about the consequences of her really ridiculous DUMB actions. I really don't know what to do with her, if i forgive her, she does it again, if I don't she still probably will do it again. Sigh.
Friday, March 13, 2009
ANNOYED
Fuck, I get irritated hella easily, especially now since I'm fucking stress over the load of work the school has given me. To top it off, been arguing with my older sister with her ridiculous belief in fairness. I was feeling pretty good but as I laid down to sleep, all these thoughts float to my head and it didn't make me feel too great so I decided to relieve it by writing in the blog.
I'm so angry and disgust with people. Why should I be nice, loyal, trustworthy when so many people nowadays are barely that. They have no conscientiousness. They'll backstab you, cheat you, lie to you. Who can you fucking trust nowadays, not even relatives. You think someone is worthy of your trust and it ends up that they are fake. Are you really gon pretend to be someones friend just to use them? People like that should just die, they have no guilt, no morals. What you have is what god gave you, don't take shit that don't belong to you. Why can't people understand that, it's just frustrating.
Maybe I'm just angry but seeing those people, knowing they exist is just UGH. The sad thing is they don't know it, and when you tell them, they are in denial. But it's life. Stupid.
I'm so angry and disgust with people. Why should I be nice, loyal, trustworthy when so many people nowadays are barely that. They have no conscientiousness. They'll backstab you, cheat you, lie to you. Who can you fucking trust nowadays, not even relatives. You think someone is worthy of your trust and it ends up that they are fake. Are you really gon pretend to be someones friend just to use them? People like that should just die, they have no guilt, no morals. What you have is what god gave you, don't take shit that don't belong to you. Why can't people understand that, it's just frustrating.
Maybe I'm just angry but seeing those people, knowing they exist is just UGH. The sad thing is they don't know it, and when you tell them, they are in denial. But it's life. Stupid.
Friday, February 27, 2009
woohooo
Out of 100, not as well as I expected but a lot better than last semester..I'm just not a test taker. =/
Clinical- 65 on the midterm -_- but should be a C for now (quiz)..estimated 71% overall.
Personality- 74 on midterm...C+ for now..add the homework.
Child psychology- 92 on midterm!!! Fuck yeh, mother fucker.
Cognitive-68 ahhhh on midterm but overall, including essays is 84%.
PsychBio-77 on midterm..but including quizzes should be a B overall.
It's not something to show off, but I'm pretty proud of myself. I would be happier if it was higher but I still got a long way to go and hella other projects and exam coming, I should try harder but I know I'll be too overwhelmed and give up again..=/ I just wish I pass it all with a B and higher.
Clinical- 65 on the midterm -_- but should be a C for now (quiz)..estimated 71% overall.
Personality- 74 on midterm...C+ for now..add the homework.
Child psychology- 92 on midterm!!! Fuck yeh, mother fucker.
Cognitive-68 ahhhh on midterm but overall, including essays is 84%.
PsychBio-77 on midterm..but including quizzes should be a B overall.
It's not something to show off, but I'm pretty proud of myself. I would be happier if it was higher but I still got a long way to go and hella other projects and exam coming, I should try harder but I know I'll be too overwhelmed and give up again..=/ I just wish I pass it all with a B and higher.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)