Sigh, I don't know what it is. I guess it's just everything that has piled up on me. I've been so stressed and frustrated, seems like no one is giving me a break! My heart feels heavy, it feels like it's carrying a lot of burden. I feel like I'm giving up and I don't know why. I've been have thoughts lately of why am I still living when we're just living to die. I feel like I can't accomplish anything, yesterday on the way to school, I start tearing up because I couldn't handle it anymore. But the reason..I, myself do not even know.
Maybe, since it's coming to an end, I have so much projects, papers, presentations, and midterm then finals that it's creeping up on me. Plus, I have idiotic people in my groups, stubborn. I know I'm stubborn but at least I'm right and on the right track but they just lead my team off because they believe they're right but all they're doing is wasting time and make the simplest thing into the most complicated thing. Sigh.
And I didn't mention, I got caught smoking by my older sister. Yes, older sister, and she went and told my mom. But guess what? That ain't even the stupidest part. My mom knew I smoked, she caught me many times and this time she just pretty much laughed it off and told me just don't ruin yourself. The stupid part is that my sister is the one angry, yes. I'm fucking old enough and she said she's not going to interfere with our lives so why is she trying to cause drama because of what I'm doing? Why doesn't she give a shit about what my little sister but butt in in my life! It's bullshit. I find it very ridiculous. I hate dramaqueens. It's like, please, get a fucking LIFE.
Man, I'm suppose to study for a quiz and write an essay but the way I feel..I don't know if I'm able to. I feel so weak, I feel useless. I want to run away and hide. I need help but I have no one to reach out for or that I don't want to reach out to anyone. My specialty, pushing them away.
Sigh, I need a stog. Haven't had one for a while and it's killing me, especially with all the shit going on. Sigh..
I miss the days when I woke up smiling for no apparent reason. Because I had everything I've ever wanted. When I was ignorant and believed that I was in a fairytale. <3
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